What unconsciously drives us?

Unconsciously driven by shame

Recently I had an experience, triggered by an email reply, that brought up intense anger. The person had replied to an email from me asking for clarification on something. Their reply was lengthy, defensive, with a little gaslighting. I felt so wronged and wanted to immediately reply and put them in their place. How dare they speak to me like this!

I drafted a reply with whipped tongue retorts.

But I never hit send.

Instead I applied the tools I learned to manage difficult emotions, and sat with the feelings. I let them be there. I breathed them in. I allowed them to percolate my system.

I realised that the anger was a cover up for something else. Shame.

I felt ashamed for what I wrote to them, that it somehow triggered their reaction. I felt shame for being me, shame for saying what I said. I felt what I said originally was a little sharp and they reacted. I felt shame for speaking like that.

Then it deepened.

What I’ve been up to

The other week I was back in Cologne speaking on Zone Ex at IBIT 2024. I also recorded short interviews with a few great women I have met over the last year and will be forming that into an episode for Safety Sistas.

I spoke about why Zone Ex is now more important now than ever, especially with changing crowd behaviour and increase in anxiety and aggression, particularly in young people. I shared some ideas of why I think this is so, including elements I discussed in my article on Post-Pandemic Crowd Behaviour (Taylor’s Version)

Thank you to Sabine and her team for inviting me back again this year. It is one of the best conferences I have ever been to, and I will be discussing why in the new episode, coming soon.

Next week I join Becky Stevens of Hybred Consultancy on a Zone Ex webinar for Association of Independent Festival members. Becky was part of my working group when we wrote the chapter for the Purple Guide earlier this year. She’s also been a guest on Safety Sistas, where she talks about that Fatboy Slim gig on Brighton beach. You can check out her fascinating interview here.

Work with me

I have space for one 1:1 mentoring if you are looking for support and guidance in an area of your life or work. It can be a one off power hour or 3 month package of weekly or biweekly sessions.

I also have space to take on one crowd safety project if you are looking for support at your venue, event or crowded space.

From the archive

Reviewing crowd behaviour at Travis Scott’s string of events recently has me returning to my draft article on When they break in (working title). When I was writing Post-Pandemic Crowd Behaviour (Taylor’s Version), the research showed where there is rioting, antagonistic behaviour and deviance at events, the demographic is mostly men. I have avoided discussing this until now as I don’t want to make assumptions about gender. However, there is something in this about the behaviour of the “leaders” (Donald Trump and the Capital Riot, Travis Scott and all his gigs, footballers etc) that I want to look into, just like I did with Taylor Swift.

Anyway it brings me back to my masters dissertation and the root cause of crowd disasters. We have long learned that it’s not the crowd’s fault, and that it is our responsibility as event organisers to keep people safe. But as I experienced at the Euro 2020 Final and a festival in Saudi Arabia, how does this work if the crowd are attacking us?

The contemplation continues..

Happy November!